r4ndom h4x

In Feb of this year I cancelled my fixed phone at home and migrated to a Naked Extreme plan from local ISP, Internode.

If only it were that simple. The Internode part went fine -  my Internet was down for maybe five minutes or so.

But for some reason Telstra DID NOT cancel my previous fixed phone line. I called them mid-February to cancel, the call attendant spent a couple of minutes trying to talk me out of it before finally telling me “okay, I’ve cancelled it – give it a couple of days and phone back if the dial-tone is still there”.

Except, I couldn’t check if the dial-tone was still there because the line had been physically removed from my premises. It didn’t exist. Not there. Removed. Gone. The “new” line that was installed actually replaced my old one – it saved the linesman from running a new pair of copper to my house.

A couple of weeks later, Telstra send me another bill. I phone AND email them. The email was worthless since all the reply said was “you are still getting billed because your phone line is not cancelled.”. Wow. Thanks. Useless pricks.

The phone call had more success though- I got through to some guy in India who proudly proclaimed that the problem was now fixed and my line will be cancelled.

Then another bill arrived. Another phone call to India – apparently it wasn’t really cancelled after all. It took another few minutes and, again, the call attendant again proudly proclaimed that it was really cancelled this time. When I asked him what I should do if it wasn’t actually cancelled and I get billed for another month he simply said “phone us again”.

Today, another bill arrived. It looks like the third call to Telstra did the trick – the bill is no longer increasing in size and I’m not being billed for April. A small win – although it’s still not correct – Telstra are still charging me for March (I initially cancelled the service in Feb).

So another call to Telstra, another guy in India. It turns out that “the system” doesn’t show my first call on record. So they don’t believe me when I tell them that I asked to disconnect the phone in Feb.

I really don’t think I’m going to win this one – clearly the system is infullible and all employees strictly follow procedure and don’t make errors.

This is the reason Tesltra will die. The whole organisation is entrenched with some sort of holier-than-thou attitude; decades of being the only choice anyone ever had has infected it like some pus-ridden scab on a child’s knee.

“I’m sorry, it’s nothing personal but the system shows you disconnected in March. Is there anything else I can do for you sir?” the faceless Telstra India call centre operative asks. “Yes, actually. Stick the bill up your arse.  Nothing personal.”