The Cleveland Show is the biggest pile of shit ever made.

American Dad is the least offensive, but that is like saying one cat shit smells less than another cat shit. It’s still shit.

Seth MacFarlane, please just stop. Sorry, dude, but it’s not funny. It’s not clever. It pushes no boundaries, adds nothing to the art of comedy. It’s just a steaming pile of shit.

Just so long as we’re clear.

And that’s when it hit me. That show seems to have an abundance of arts students.

Then I wondered, what does an arts student do and why do we (as in society) need so many? Doctors I can understand. Plumbers. Gynaecologists. Gardeners.

Arts student? I mean, sure – we probably need some, or there’d be no-one to work in telephone call centres.

Anyway, I decided I needed new headphones for my Sony PSP. After looking at a few options, I firgured that I was looking for something that sounded “acceptable” and was efficient enough as to be able to be reasonably loud if required. So I took a trip to the local electronics dealer, Jaycar. While skimming through the different headphones my eye was caught by the Active Noise-Cancelling Earphones. “Hmm” I thought. “hmm”

Now, I happen to know that active noise cancelling headphones are expensive. A few hundred Aussie dollars worth. But these stood out as they were only $29.95 (at time of writing). I figured that maybe, just maybe, all the required digital signal processing required for active noise cancelling to work properly just might have been squeezed into one or two processors – and that said processors were cheap enough these days to start to be included in devices at this price point. Was I crazy?

In a word – Yes. Once I got home I inserted the battery (which was included), plugged in the headphones and connected up to the PSP. I even remembered to turn the volume of the PSP down just in case the noise-cancelling processing increased the volume or something.

Once I turned on the headphones I was immediately… disappointed. This is not so much an active noise-cancelling device as a white noise generator. I guess there is some modest dampening effect – after all, white noise does tend to suppress other noises (just stand near a running tap to demonstrate this effect). But most reputable active noise cancelling devices sample the outside noise and generate the opposite in an attempt to cancel the noise. That’s not what the headphones I purchased seem to do.

All is not lost, though. The white-noise generator part of the headphones can be bypassed, and the headphones can be used by themselves. And, surprisingly, I think they sound just fine. [Edit: after an afternoon of using these things, I hate them. The left earphone has come loose and vibrates. They produce overly muffled-sound. In short: these things are crap.]

So, I originally went to Jaycar to get some headphones that worked well enough to hear the PSP in a noisy environment. I will throw away the noise cancelling part because it’s useless – and the headphones themselves are quite acceptable utterly crap.

The moral of this story : if you want noise cancelling headphones, you’re probably better off buying a good set of ear muffs.

First, I went to the City of Heroes web site – http://www.cityofheroes.com/ and signed up for an NCSoft account like it says to. Downloading the game client offered on the web site is very quick because it’s actually just a downloader that will download the actual game.

In my case, the installer wanted to download 2.7GB. That’s not such an issue – I expected to have to download something of that size – but the time it was estimating was rediculous. 40 hours.

Surely, I thought, there must be a local mirror of the installer? So I did a quick search and did indeed find a local mirror. I’m in Australia, and found the good guys at Ausgamers.com have a copy of the installer which downloaded much faster.

After cleaning up the City of Heroes folder and installing the newly downloaded game I proceeded to run it. After about three minutes spent waiting for the installer to verify the files I then get an atioglxx.dll error and the game bombs.

I’m not a total dumb-ass, I can see immediately the error is related to my ATI graphics card and probably some OpenGL driver issue. The problem is that my card is very old – it’s a Radeon 9700Pro. As far as I can tell it still meets the specifications but I cannot update drivers for it any more. I’m already running the newest that were ever relased for it.

So, I do what many ATI owners do. I installed an nVidia card. I just happened to have an Geforce FX5500 sitting in a box. Granted, it’s not much newer than the 9700Pro – and probably no faster (maybe even slower). But I was rewarded with the game actually starting. So. I’m off then.

Oops. No. The game keeps telling me I’ve entered the wrong username and/or password. So I log onto the NCSoft web page, check out a few things, change my game password and try again. Still fails. Time for google.

It turns out that there are two versions of the game – one for US and one for EU. I have an US account but the game client is EU. So, I log onto eu.plaync.com and proceed to set up (another) account and asking for (another) trial. After confirming my email details (using a different email account) I’m now greeted by “Sorry, all codes have been allocated.” – ie: piss off, we have enough freeloaders already.

I don’t feel hard done by, I’ve not spent anything except time and my download quota. But the whole experience brings front-of-mind why PC gaming is in such a bad state and why I prefer gaming on my PS3. I shouldn’t need to jump through hoops to get this shit going.

Actually, now I think about it, I installed Free Realms the other day. The install starts easily from the web browser, there is minimal to download up-front as the game will stream content as it needs to while you’re playing. It is so simple – it’s the exact opposite as my trial of City of Heroes. I’ve spent maybe three days trying to get City of Heroes working (ie: started downloading one day, gave up the next and downloaded a canned install, then had graphics card issues etc). Free Realms took me maybe 30 minutes before I was playing.

Maybe there is a chance for PC gaming yet.

If only it were that simple. The Internode part went fine -  my Internet was down for maybe five minutes or so.

But for some reason Telstra DID NOT cancel my previous fixed phone line. I called them mid-February to cancel, the call attendant spent a couple of minutes trying to talk me out of it before finally telling me “okay, I’ve cancelled it – give it a couple of days and phone back if the dial-tone is still there”.

Except, I couldn’t check if the dial-tone was still there because the line had been physically removed from my premises. It didn’t exist. Not there. Removed. Gone. The “new” line that was installed actually replaced my old one – it saved the linesman from running a new pair of copper to my house.

A couple of weeks later, Telstra send me another bill. I phone AND email them. The email was worthless since all the reply said was “you are still getting billed because your phone line is not cancelled.”. Wow. Thanks. Useless pricks.

The phone call had more success though- I got through to some guy in India who proudly proclaimed that the problem was now fixed and my line will be cancelled.

Then another bill arrived. Another phone call to India – apparently it wasn’t really cancelled after all. It took another few minutes and, again, the call attendant again proudly proclaimed that it was really cancelled this time. When I asked him what I should do if it wasn’t actually cancelled and I get billed for another month he simply said “phone us again”.

Today, another bill arrived. It looks like the third call to Telstra did the trick – the bill is no longer increasing in size and I’m not being billed for April. A small win – although it’s still not correct – Telstra are still charging me for March (I initially cancelled the service in Feb).

So another call to Telstra, another guy in India. It turns out that “the system” doesn’t show my first call on record. So they don’t believe me when I tell them that I asked to disconnect the phone in Feb.

I really don’t think I’m going to win this one – clearly the system is infullible and all employees strictly follow procedure and don’t make errors.

This is the reason Tesltra will die. The whole organisation is entrenched with some sort of holier-than-thou attitude; decades of being the only choice anyone ever had has infected it like some pus-ridden scab on a child’s knee.

“I’m sorry, it’s nothing personal but the system shows you disconnected in March. Is there anything else I can do for you sir?” the faceless Telstra India call centre operative asks. “Yes, actually. Stick the bill up your arse.  Nothing personal.”

Usually, devices evolve over time and improve in performance or price. Nintendo decided to buck the trend and aimed for mediocrity with the Wii. And it worked for them – the wii has been a stellar sales success. Even I bought one.

It’s no secret, then, that Microsoft wants a piece of that action. And Sony, too.

But here is the rub. One of my gripes with the Wii is that the control scheme means that game developers feel compelled to use it. Even when it adds nothing to the experience. Wii Tennis? Sure, that works. Boom Blocks? Yup, seems to work tickety boo. Mario Kart? Nope. No More Heroes (cmon, it’s got swords!! It must work!)….. nope.

Do I try to play a driving game with a keyboard? No. I’m sure some PC users do that, but real gamers would have a wheel or a gamepad – depending on the type of driving game we’re talking about. The Wii remote is not a steering wheel. Please, give up on it.

And secondly, when I want to sit down and play a few games I simply don’t want to waggle my ass, or gyrate my wrist, or shake my nunchuck or whatever. It does not add to the game, it gets annoying very quickly.

So will the new Xbox 360 waggle controller/weight training/DDR controller have any positive effect on the sales of the 360? Nope. Will it stop people buying and a Wii. Nope. Will the PS3 be a better machine if it had more waggle (since the six-axis controller already has some motion)? Nope. Do I forsee Minority-report interfaces for everyone? No idea.

The thing that sells Wii’s is Wii Sports. And probably Mario Kart. And parents that know nothing about games “know” Nintendo and trust them with the welfare of their darling child’s fragile mind. That’s what sells Wii.

If Sony wants to sell more PS3’s (and why not, it’s a great console and media centre) then here is the plan:

1. Good games. Honestly, I’d tick this one off for now as it looks like some kick-ass games are coming out. But momentum needs to be maintained.
2. Advertise it like you love it. In Australia, I don’t think I have ever seen a PS3 advert. Sony seems to not advertise it very well, if at all. That needs to change. Awareness must be raised.
3. Encourage the indy games guys & girls. This seems to be moving along slowly – the PSN has a few gems that break outside of the norms. But if it were opened up even more then some gold might come out. Small, cheap games from small developers. But it needs to be worth their while to develop the stuff too.
4. Embrace the past. Every PS3 can play PS1 games. So why are there hardly any PS1 games on the PSN? Surely this is almost free money?
5. Value add. The box that the PS3 comes in should include at least one good game. Or two. And an HDMI cable. I have no idea on how much it would cost to add a couple of games, but I know the cable would be dirt cheap. And when you think that each game is at least AU$80 (for a triple-A game) it starts to make sense. How about a bluetooth headset? Different colours? Two contorollers standard (because parents will notice that).
6. Devalue the competition. I don’t mean spewing abuse – I mean point out the areas the PS3 is strong. People do compare the PS3 to an Xbox360 Arcade. Parents have no idea. So point out the hard drive size, make a big deal about it. Draw attention to the included Wi-Fi, the DivX certification, the free PSN, folding@home, half-decent web browser etc. Include words like “parental lock-out contol” on the box.

And when you’ve sussed out that, apply it to the PSP as well!

If you don’t know what I’m on about, Playstation Home is a free virtual world thingy on the PS3. It can best be described as a collection of mini games with an awkward chat client and some Sony (and Sony friends) adverts. Compelling is a word that does not get used to describe Playstation Home.

To be fair, it is technically still in Beta. But the word Beta has lost so much meaning since Google basically making everything Beta for years on end. I think Google’s definition of Beta is “we are still adding features, not sure when we will be finished”. And I think that sums it up for PS Home as well – still adding features.

But, c’mon – please help me here. First up : avatars. They are not nearly customisable enough – not at all. For the most part, the average PS Home avatar looks like it could star in an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 (or whatever the kids are watching these days.. get off my lawn!! Damn kids.) That’s not to say that it is diffcult to make an ugly avatar – just that the creation process is too locked down. It’s a virtual world, right? Why do I have to conform to a small selection of approved noses? Why can’t I be two feet high? Or ten feet high? Or non-human? I realise there need to be some boundaries, but they need to make the boundaries wider.

Next up : movement. Why oh why can I not jump? Is there some sort of freakish gravity problem? And sometimes moving between spaces requires a loading screen (for example, walking up the stairs in EA’s little section of home). Annoying. It spoils the experience. And speaking of “other sections” – it would be nice if they could all tie together. So for example, to get to the Red Bull area there is a door or elevator or train or tube (picture Futurama) that zooms me over to it. It’s a virtual world. Get it? World. Not several little disconnected environments where the only common link between them is a loading screen.

Next : games. There’s many little mini-games in Home. None of which would stand by themselves, but the price of admission is good. But do you know how many of them I’ve actually played? A handful. The reason is – get this – because there is always a line up. Bowling? Line up. Poker (in EA’s area)? Line up. Racing? (EA’s area again).. you get the idea. Okay, so you can normally get a table to play checkers.  Now I might be missing something, but I’m pretty sure the last time I looked this was a virtual world. Stop trying to tie it back to the real world. If a group of people want to play bowling, then just frickin spawn a new bowling alley. If it really has to have a virtual space, then spawn some stairs and make another level to the bowling alley. Real estate is cheap when you’re god.

In the end, I wonder what Home is intended for at all. I notice Free Realms went open beta recently – and I immediately created an account (but it won’t run on my linux laptop.. oh well..!). Free Realms will have a PS3 port available – and from what I hear the game is far better than any of the Home games – and it has the same price (free..). So when Free Realms arrives for the PS3, what’s left for Home? Will it just become a place to look at Sony adverts and lament how much time and money has been spent on it? Or will Home evolve into something that is actually, umm, fun? My guess is the former. And it disappoints me, because I want to like it.

After checking the SageTV web site I discovered that they do not offer a demo for the Linux version. So, I check the system requirements carefully to make sure that my system meets them – and as far as I can tell it does. So I plonk down my cash, get a serial number, and I’m off.

Except the product doesn’t work. It detects my tuner cards (I have two tuners), but it cannot find any channels. I re-check MythTV – yup, works fine. I re-check SageTV – nope. No go. It goes through the motions of scanning the relevant transponders but it doesn’t get a lock on any channels.

I’ve made a couple of posts on the support forum, and the people there seem to be quite friendly and helpful. But basically the help boils down to “enable logging” and “send the logs to SageTV”.

I’ve logged a support call with SageTV, and after sending them the logs (at their request) they have gone silent.

So, my advice for anyone wishing to run SageTV on Linux? Don’t.

I’ve been riding motorbikes on the road for about 22 years or so. I’ve owned Suzukis, a big & heavy Kawasaki GPz900 (was a great bike though!), and a couple of Ducati’s. I currently ride a Ducati 900SS. It is not unusual at all to be riding your bike, stop at the lights and when another bike pulls up alongside you have a little chat. Normally something like- “G’day mate” – “Hi” – “Nice bike” – “Thanks. Did you see that wanker in the Nissan Silvia?”  etc etc

Or perhaps you’ll be riding along and you see a bike travelling in the other direction – it’s perfectly normal to give and recieve a little nod. I guess it’s just a little way to acknowledge the other person’s choice of transport or something.

Unless the other bike in question is a Harley Davidson. I can count the number of times a Harley rider has acknowledged my existence on one hand. In fact, on one finger. Once, at the lights, I said hello (as I usually do) and the Harley rider actually replied. I swear, it’s the first and only time its ever happened.

And it’s not just greetings that Harley riders often can’t manage, but common courtesy. For example, let’s say you’re riding on the road and you happen to end up riding in a group of a couple or more riders. It is common sense that the lead rider should assume the primary position on the road – the position that provides the rider with the greatest visibility and safety. The second rider would then usually assume the next-favoured position – ideally in such a way that the lead rider can see them in their mirrors if need be. It’s common sense. It’s courtesy. It doesn’t matter if you know the guy/girl on the bike in front of you.

But, again, my experience has been that Harley riders typically have the brains of a mung fish. They will try and intimidate you. You’ll be riding along and some dick on his Harley splits the lane, cuts you off and slows down. And they expect you’ll bend over and think “oh, well it is a Harley – I’ll let him go”. Wankers.

Now, I know for a fact that not all Harley riders are like this. It would be ridiculous to suggest so. All I’m saying is 22 years of riding. Countless friendly riders of Japanese/Italian/British bikes. One friendly Harley rider.

Therefore, if you ride a Harley Davidson – there’s a much higher than average chance that you’re a dickhead.

From my perspective this is bad news.

GTA IV was massive in it’s hype, but at the end of the day I could only force myself through 50% of it before I traded it in. Graphics were average with the occasional nice effect. It tries to tell a story but it’s certainly no RPG. It tries to have car and bike racing, but the physics are awful. It tries a little to be a third-person shooter, but clearly it isn’t. It is the game that survives on the reputation built from it’s former editions and does little to entertain.

Midnight Club: Los Angeles had nice graphics – a vast improvement on GTA IV. But the driving parts still suck (a fatal flaw for a driving game). I think I managed to get through about 4% – it got traded in within a week of buying it. If you want a driving game, check out Burnout Paradise, Grid and Gran Turismo. Forget Midnight Club.

I’ve not played Bully, so I can’t comment.  I do not intend on purchasing it – perhaps if a friend has it I’ll give it a shot.

Rockstar Games seem to make games that sell despite their lack of playability.

I will keep an eye out on the reviews for Max Payne 3, but based upon past experience with this developer, I won’t be buying it.